


Absence

by Magnetism_bind



Category: Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-25
Updated: 2012-08-25
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selina Kyle reflects on her actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absence

Selina wakes gasping in the night, unable to explain what she did. She _knows_. But knowing it in the daylight is not the same as believing it in the dark. The haunted feeling stays with her through the day and into the night.

She gave up the hero of Gotham. So what?

She exchanged Gotham’s son, Bruce Wayne, in return for her own life. So what?

So everything.

* * *

She walks most nights. The rooftops are safe enough though she no longer wears her mask. She doesn’t need it any more. She’s just herself. Selina. Thief. Betrayer. 

Selina brushes the last name away. That’s not her. She’d never betray Jen, anyone who mattered. Batman didn’t matter. _Wayne_ didn’t matter. But there’s a tiny part of Selina that maybe does covet the name of traitor. A treacherous part of her that wants to protest Wayne did matter. 

She can still feel his fingers, cool against her skin, as he unclasped the pearls from the neck, his eyes looking deeply into hers. Something in those eyes told her Bruce Wayne was something more. She shouldn’t have been surprised to discover he was the Batman. It only made sense in a fucked up sort of way.

She can’t escape that involuntary feeling of _no_ when she realized, too late, far too late after the grate came down between them and she’s surrendered him to his doom. Should have walked away then and there. Not her business. Nothing to do with her. Move along.

Somehow, she couldn’t. Couldn’t leave until his body was shattered before her eyes. Only then could she flee from the sewers. 

* * * 

She should be planning. Running. Anything. Instead she does nothing. Gotham is doomed. She helped with that. Yeah, she didn’t start it, and she won’t be the one to finish it, but she helped, setting one stone in place with a single falling gate.

Betrayer.

Bruce Wayne didn’t deserve that fate.

That’s what keeps her up at night. Shouldn’t she think _Batman_ didn’t deserve that? He’s the hero. Wayne’s just the mask, the shell. The privileged son of Gotham. 

But somehow he matters. Like so many temporary things, things that will never last, moments that glow so gloriously before fading and leaving her with nothing but the memory, Wayne mattered. 

At night Gotham looks different. Selina has always preferred it by night. But this darkness is colder than before. She’s not sure of her footing in the dark any more. She used to be so sure. Now Bane’s goons patrol the streets, rounding people up. Anybody foolish enough to be out gets caught.

Selina watches this happen from the rooftops and wonder how this is all going to end. Is it just gonna end in fire and blood? The endless rising fire and the drowning blood. Her skin crawls. This isn’t her city any more. She wonders how much of that is due to the absence of the Batman, and how much is just due to Gotham’s natural proclivity for destruction. He’s been there for as long as she’s been working the streets. Longer maybe. Sometimes it’s hard to remember.

She’s always been a survivor. That’s what she does. But this is a different sort of survival. What’s there to survive for? Nobody’s rescuing them. There’s nothing to be done, but wait. Selina hates waiting. She’s good at it, but she hates it. There is nothing left, but this empty broken shell of a city, full of empty broken people. 

Bane may have broken the Bat, but the absence of a hero, _his_ absence, the complete knowledge of being abandoned, broken the city. Gotham is a husk.

Selina closes her eyes. This too, it’s added to the file in her mind. She can pretend, but Gotham’s blood is on her hands now too. Nothing more to be done. Nothing more to say. 

She sleeps in sets of minutes, twenty, thirty at a patch. There’s no rest. She doesn’t dream. She doesn’t need to.

* * *

But she can’t give up even if there’s no hope left. Gotham limps on, clinging to its sliver of hope. Selina doesn’t have that, but day after day passes and she’s still here. The city’s still here. Maybe, just maybe. She doesn’t let herself put it into words, but there’s something _there_ , just inside her breastbone, something small and struggling to breathe, as she walks across the snow covered bridge. 

Maybe there is still hope. Maybe just the idea of hope means something. 

A kid yelps and she turns, frowning. 

There’s a shadow on the snow, but Selina doesn’t notice. She’s learned to live in shadows a long time ago. They’re nothing now.

There’s a patch of snow ahead of her, untouched. Selina makes neat, careful footprints as she walks towards the sound. This is how hope works.

* * *

She hears the voice before she sees him. How long has it been since someone snuck up on her? She can’t even remember. 

He’s whole. He’s walking. He’s _alive_. So many words scream inside her, and all she has to offer is the same tired banter. There’s a split second where she considers thinking about apologizing. But it wouldn’t change what she did and anyway, Wayne’s not looking for that. 

But he’s here. He’s walking. He’s looking at her, not away. 

This is how hope works.


End file.
